


Read the Warnings!

by Carenejeans



Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: April Showers Challenge, M/M, Remixed, hl_remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-06
Updated: 2005-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-17 11:12:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/176259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carenejeans/pseuds/Carenejeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Duncan tells Methos a secret, seven times with seven different warnings. Comes with Hallmark cards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Read the Warnings!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Scene in Five Ratings](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/2816) by Merriman. 



> Originally posted at [hl_remix](http://community.livejournal.com/hl_remix/22277.html) on September 6, 2005.
> 
> I think my Methos Muse was _totally_ toasted when I wrote this one!

[](http://carenejeans.livejournal.com/profile)[**carenejeans**](http://carenejeans.livejournal.com/) brings us a new remix, inspired by a tale in five parts by the redoubtable [](http://merriman.livejournal.com/profile)[**merriman**](http://merriman.livejournal.com/). To the original ratings (G through the ever-popular NC-17) [](http://carenejeans.livejournal.com/profile)[**carenejeans**](http://carenejeans.livejournal.com/) adds warnings -- clear warnings, stiff warnings, and dire warnings -- as well as a dash of mystery! **\--Raves & Ratings Quarterly**

 **(1)  
Warning: None so far, but that doesn't mean there won't be warnings later. Don't say I didn't warn you.  
Rating: G**

Duncan clapped Methos on the shoulder, almost knocking him off his feet.

" _You're_ in good spirits, I see."

Duncan grinned, "Let me tell you a secret."

Methos looked at him warily. "A secret?"

Duncan leaned towards him conspiratorially and said a few words close to his ear.

Methos sighed and looked towards the ceiling. "You could wrap that up and stick it in a Hallmark card."

  
 **(2)  
Warning: Bad language  
Rating: PG**

Duncan let loose a clap on the shoulders of his best friend -- and in his secret heart of hearts, EVER so much more than his best friend -- with bone-shaking force. Methos turned, gaping his mouth open in astonished surprise as Duncan's sword pinned against his throat, and taking a step backwards. Duncan pressed forward leering, and the oldest guy in the world and the Immortal Highlander stumbled towards the wall of the dojo in a friendly, but deadly ballet. Finally the older man's back was against the wall and Duncan's sword held him their.

"Let me tell you a secret Methos," Duncan's voice secreted secretively.

"You do, that mister Boy Scot MacLeod," Methos piped, at the same time managing to roll his eyes and make gagging sounds.

"You know, Methos you drive me absolutely INSANE and sometimes I feel like giving you a knuckle sandwich! Duncan roared.

"A knuckle sandwich would be much preferable to your sword against my neck you brat," Methos choked ironically.

Duncan lowered his sword a fraction of an inch – somewhere around 1/14th. "But despite that, old man," he caroled, "I like havieng you around!"

"Is that a fact?" the oldest Immortal panted, and gave Duncan such a humongous shove that both he and his trusted katana went flying all over the place. "Write a Hallmark card why don't you?" Methos cackled.

  
 **(3)  
Warning: Wishful thinking  
Rating: PG-13 **

In the dream, they were laughing. Duncan put his arm around Methos's shoulders -- a liberty the other man rarely allowed -- and leaned close. Close enough to smell the light scent of Methos's hair and the deeper pungency of his body. Close enough to feel his warmth. Close enough to tell him every secret he ever had. Methos sighed, a sound that was light with pleasure and heavy with something else -- sadness perhaps -- and pushed him away. But he let his hand linger on Duncan's chest. Duncan, dreaming, wished he could slip those few moments into an envelope, like a card he could open and read later, when he awakened.

  
 **(4)  
Warning: Character assassination  
Rating: R**

The dojo was dark, except for a single bulb illuminating Duncan as he performed a slow and skillful kata. Methos stood in the shadows, watching, and was so entranced by Duncan's grace that at first he didn't realize the elaborate movements of Duncan's body were a little, well, off. Methos frowned as he tried to place the motions Duncan was making with his hands; they didn't resemble any of the katas Methos knew. In fact -- he tilted his head and considered -- Duncan looked for all the world as if he were running his hands along an invisible pane of glass. With dawning horror, Methos realized Duncan's hands were white, that he was wearing gloves, that he was wearing all black… He gasped as Duncan turned suddenly to face him. His -- his face! It was dead white. His lips -- red! And his eyes, my God his eyes! Thin, vertical, _heartbreaking_ diamond shapes painted across each one, slashing down across his cheekbones.

From the air in front of Methos's nose, Duncan plucked an imaginary card with a secret message written in invisible ink. He offered it to Methos, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Methos looked into Duncan's eyes, dark and brown and deep and sad, and shot him through the heart.

What else could he do?

  
 **(5)  
Warning: Pronouns  
Rating: NC-17**

He pulled him close and grinned. He put his hand on his chest, as if to push him away, but didn't, quite. "I..." he breathed, but stopped as his hand slipped past the waistband of his sweats and squeezed his cock. "I...." he whispered, as he knelt down before him and took his cock in his mouth, hot and wet. "I..." he groaned as he sucked him, and ran his fingers through his hair. "You... he managed to say, before he gave himself up to the long-secret but now unguarded pleasure reflected in his lover's eyes.

  
 **(6)  
Warning: Noir  
Rating: PG**

You see them, sometimes.

Guy with a ponytail, the other with a schnoz on him you won't forget soon.

His eyes aren't so easy to forget either, if you happen to meet 'em, and it's past midnight, and the street's dark except for the splash of neon bleeding at your feet.

The other one claps him on the shoulder.

Says something you can't hear.

Laughs.

Schnoz laughs too.

You light a smoke and watch them cross the street.

Schnoz points out a card, stuck to the grate by the gutter.

They laugh, and disappear into the gloom.

Just a couple of jokers, you might think.

But you'd be wrong.

  
 **(7)  
Warning: Hallmark  
Rating: PG-13**

Duncan clapped Methos on the shoulder. "You know," he said "you can be the most --" he stopped as Methos raised an eyebrow "-- _interesting_ man I know, but I have to admit there are times when I like having you around." He handed Methos a glass and sat down next to him.

Methos raised the glass in salute. "I love having you in my world," he translated.

"Friends come and go, especially immortals." Duncan frowned. "What did you say?"

"If I live a thousand lifetimes, you will still be my one, my only, my true love."

Duncan's brows lowered. "True love?

"I know a good thing when I see it..."

"Methos--"

"...and I see lots of good things in you. Isn't that what you meant to say?"

"I don't think so. I think I was talking about friendship." Duncan reached out and snapped Methos's nose with his fingers.

Methos touched his nose and smiled. "Remember when you painted it?" Duncan couldn't help but smile back.

"For the memories of yesterday," Methos pretended to paint Duncan's nose in turn. "For the happiness of today. For the promise of tomorrow."

"You sound like a Hallmark card."

"Funny you should say that."

"Funny, right. Why are you spouting Hallmark verse?"

"Why not?"

"Why not? Because it's -- it's sappy. Next you'll be tuning in to Lawrence Welk."

"Fire up the bubble machine!" Methos settled back against the cushions of the couch. "So you like having me around, do you?"

"Sometimes. I said sometimes."

"You _said_ 'sometimes,' but you were _thinking_ 'I always light up when I'm around you," Methos said smugly. "I was planning to go to Katmandu," he added. "But now that I know how you feel about me, I might change my mind."

"Don't change your plans on account of any imaginary feelings of mine."

"A little coffee, some talk and laughter, a long, unhurried afternoon. A little wisdom, support, and insight -- our times together pass too soon." Methos sighed.

They were both silent for a moment. Duncan because he was struck speechless, and Methos because he was waiting for him to explode.

"That was-- that was fatuous," Duncan said finally. "Where are you getting all this?"

Methos tapped his temple. "It's stored in a secret compartment in my head."

"Methos." Duncan moved towards him in a way that made Methos shift farther down the couch.

"Ah. I wrote it."

"You write Hallmark cards?"

"Sure."

"Why?"

"Well, someone's got to, right?"

Duncan frowned. "No."

Methos considered. "You have a point. But since they're written, and published, and printed in the millions, you must admit, if someone's going to write them -- and incidentally get paid very nicely for doing so -- it might as well be me." He pointed a finger at himself triumphantly.

Duncan looked at the floor, then at the wall, then met Methos's eyes as if making a decision. "Methos, I-- let me tell you a secret." He leaned close, one conspirator to another.

For some reason, Methos felt his breath catch. "I'm your favorite daydream?" he managed to say lightly.

"Sometimes I think you're my worst nightmare," Duncan said, gritting his teeth. "Just listen, will you?"

"I only have ears for you," Methos assured him.

Duncan looked pained, then sheepish. "I own a large chunk of the company. Hallmark. Under various aliases."

"No!" Methos looked at him with eyes as wide as a bad actor playing at being impressed could make them.

Duncan stared at him for a moment, then put his head in his hands and groaned. "Why do I always forget you're a Watcher? You could probably give me an inventory of my birthmarks."

"I'd love to inventory your birthmarks," Methos said, before he meant to.

Duncan's eyes glinted. "Good. We can start right away. Get out your little Watcher notebook." He stood and bowed, as if issuing a challenge.

Methos smiled weakly, though he felt something wonderfully powerful coursing through him. "I don't need a notebook, Mac. It'll just be an informal inventory between friends."

"Friends." Duncan sounded as if he'd just discovered new shades of meaning in the word.

"Friends forever!" Methos stood unsteadily and held his glass high. "It's you and me against whatever!"

Duncan grinned, and loosened the belt on his jeans.

Methos's throat went dry.

As Hallmark moments went, it proved to be one of his more unprintable ones.

  
\-- The End --


End file.
